The Chicken Massacre of Fall, 2011

"Are. You. Kidding me." I slammed the microwave door closed. I shook my head, incredulous that Carly could be that inconsiderate. And gross. Dude, she was really gross. I mean, who microwaves chicken until it explodes, covering every edge of the appliance in culinary creations gone wrong, and doesn't clean up? Oh, I was furious. The nerve of that girl! This morning when I'd seen her, this roommate who was clearly raised by some animal kingdom creature, she was giggly. Perky. She told me herself that she was doing great except for a minor issue she had had with the microwave. "Oh goodness. That microwave is always having issues." I laughed in agreement. Issues--"I think SHE has issues, not the microwave", I now mutter to myself. Armed with a dishrag and cleanser,I begin scrubbing the mind-boggling disaster that was now dried onto our kitchen appliance. "Good heavens." I continually groan to myself. This stuff has basically cemented onto all confines of the microwave. In an attempt to work at a better angle I poke my head in the mouth of the beast while I hook my arm around the corner of the microwave. "Now this is just plain ridiculous!" I yell, crazed by my frustration. Nearly 20 minutes later, the microwave is looking pristine and celestial. I slam the door closed, and walk a crooked trajectory away from the scene of the poultry massacre, due to my 20-minute stare into the microwaves' light. My half-blind walk away from the battle field is interrupted by the rattle of our apartment front door. I shoot my head up to see Carly come sauntering in, oblivious to the insane creature I'd evolved into due to the whole chicken fiasco. "Hello, beautiful!" she says in a sing song voice as she dances about the kitchen. I just keep walking, not knowing or caring where I'm going. Hmm. To an asylum, perhaps? But as I walk away, I hear the faint click of the closing microwave door, followed by a cheerful "How sweet are you!" from Carly. But I don't turn back. I just smile smugly to myself and whisper, "Sweetheart, my thoughts definitely are not sweet."